A Reaction To My Column
This week I published a column asking people to "Don't forget your single friends at the holidays."
One regular reader sent me a long but very interesting email, that I decided to repeat here in full:
"Hi, again, Steve - I enjoyed your column yesterday. I've been single at the holidays and remember wishing I was at the Candlelight Stroll in a romantic scenario rather than with my single girlfriends. I've also been a couple at the holidays, and you know what, Steve? There's a downside to that, too. While I think what guys want at the holidays is Not To Be Alone, what women want is the Magical Holiday Scenario and well, guys are guys and even once they've hunted down a woman, they still want to watch sports and get drunk.
"I was single for a long time before finding my significant other. The first Christmas we were together, only two months after meeting, I was overcome with holiday fantasies. We would stroll through Market Square, hand in hand in the snow, stopping to look at the lights, and have hot chocolate at Breaking New Grounds. We would search out the perfect tree and decorate it while playing carols. Christmas Eve we would go out to for a romantic dinner, then come home and watch a holiday movie, in the dark, with only the lights of the tree to brighten the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My S.O., while keep in mind still in the throes of infatuation, did not want to walk in the snow. And he saw no reason to drive to a Christmas tree farm when Home Depot was selling trees for $20. And the romantic Christmas Eve? We did go to dinner, but when we got home, he got caught up in a rerun of "In the Heat of the Night" and had no desire whatsoever to watch Bing Crosby in "White Christmas." He's a good man, but since we've been together, my holiday reality has fallen far short of my vision.
"You can relay 100 stories of woman saying their guys LOVE to trim the tree, LOVE to hang lights, planned a surprise horse drawn carriage ride through the snow. For every story, I can tell you 10 of guys who didn't understand why newspaper didn't make fine wrapping paper, who didn't "get" what goes in a stocking and put bananas and tinsel instead, who thought Christmas Day meant Christmas Sex and was not happy to find out otherwise. (All true) The truth is women go crazy at Christmas and we know it, and we can't stop it, because somewhere programmed in us is the desire for the "perfect holiday" and we believe once we're a couple, our other half will have that same Norman Rockwell desire as well. My friends and I annually share stories of holiday reality vs. holiday fantasy. One friend's husband complained on Christmas Eve, "I never get any time to myself," and another's showed up eating a baloney sandwich and drinking a beer while the kids were opening presents, and didn't understand that it wasn't the "Christmasy" breakfast my friend had planned.
"My point is that while singles long to be couples, especially around the holidays, being in a couple in December doesn't mean a wonderland of happiness. Single or not, my girlfriends and I still need each other to get through this time of year!"
Any comments?
One regular reader sent me a long but very interesting email, that I decided to repeat here in full:
"Hi, again, Steve - I enjoyed your column yesterday. I've been single at the holidays and remember wishing I was at the Candlelight Stroll in a romantic scenario rather than with my single girlfriends. I've also been a couple at the holidays, and you know what, Steve? There's a downside to that, too. While I think what guys want at the holidays is Not To Be Alone, what women want is the Magical Holiday Scenario and well, guys are guys and even once they've hunted down a woman, they still want to watch sports and get drunk.
"I was single for a long time before finding my significant other. The first Christmas we were together, only two months after meeting, I was overcome with holiday fantasies. We would stroll through Market Square, hand in hand in the snow, stopping to look at the lights, and have hot chocolate at Breaking New Grounds. We would search out the perfect tree and decorate it while playing carols. Christmas Eve we would go out to for a romantic dinner, then come home and watch a holiday movie, in the dark, with only the lights of the tree to brighten the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My S.O., while keep in mind still in the throes of infatuation, did not want to walk in the snow. And he saw no reason to drive to a Christmas tree farm when Home Depot was selling trees for $20. And the romantic Christmas Eve? We did go to dinner, but when we got home, he got caught up in a rerun of "In the Heat of the Night" and had no desire whatsoever to watch Bing Crosby in "White Christmas." He's a good man, but since we've been together, my holiday reality has fallen far short of my vision.
"You can relay 100 stories of woman saying their guys LOVE to trim the tree, LOVE to hang lights, planned a surprise horse drawn carriage ride through the snow. For every story, I can tell you 10 of guys who didn't understand why newspaper didn't make fine wrapping paper, who didn't "get" what goes in a stocking and put bananas and tinsel instead, who thought Christmas Day meant Christmas Sex and was not happy to find out otherwise. (All true) The truth is women go crazy at Christmas and we know it, and we can't stop it, because somewhere programmed in us is the desire for the "perfect holiday" and we believe once we're a couple, our other half will have that same Norman Rockwell desire as well. My friends and I annually share stories of holiday reality vs. holiday fantasy. One friend's husband complained on Christmas Eve, "I never get any time to myself," and another's showed up eating a baloney sandwich and drinking a beer while the kids were opening presents, and didn't understand that it wasn't the "Christmasy" breakfast my friend had planned.
"My point is that while singles long to be couples, especially around the holidays, being in a couple in December doesn't mean a wonderland of happiness. Single or not, my girlfriends and I still need each other to get through this time of year!"
Any comments?
Labels: holiday fantasy, holidays, singles
posted by Steve Penner at
11:08 AM
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